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Knockers and Knickers
By Paul Bard
The recent revelation that terrorists can now explode their underpants means we must all reevaluate our progress through airline terminals. When Richard Reid tried to use his shoes as an incendiary device on a transatlantic plane in December 2001, it led to all passengers removing their shoes for inspection. This, together with the removal of belts, created a great deal of frustration and queues. Many wits suggested that it was a good job he wasn't known as the underwear bomber, else we'd all have to remove them too. Well last Christmas demonstrated that such a day had arrived when Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab tried to set his off, again on a transatlantic flight. There's a pattern here, but it's not Paisley. Many of us will be thankful that we wash our feet prior to departure as the resulting gas could be overwhelming. The solution to potentially parting with our wadgie-warmers however, has been the implementation of body scanners. These by all accounts can be quite revealing, but to spare our blushes the operatives are in a separate area so they cannot associate our nakedness with our profile. This is no doubt to prevent the security personnel from rolling around in hysterics. If they scanned my body I'm sure they'd have a jolly good guffaw. I'm thinking about wearing boxer shorts emblazoned with the message "What are you laughing at? I'm actually thinking about saying something else - but as this is a family site, modesty forbids it. It certainly puts a whole new take on warfare. One wonders if Wellington would have beaten Napoleon if the little general had kitted out his army with exploding pants. One look at them and the Duke would have exclaimed "Holy cow, run boys - the frogs have got dynamite in their balls!" Actually he may have thought that anyway, but in a different context. One wonders what other nefarious schemes those we wish to obliterate us can think of? Breast implants spring to mind. Women with large assets may find themselves the subject of unwelcome attention and no doubt more amusement. Cosmetic surgery may have a lot to answer for. Strange times indeed!
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PLEASE VISIT THE CONTRIBUTOR'S WEBSITE
Bardiness
Witty blog of travel, culture and society
www.blogbard.typepad.com
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Very funny, Paul, though I doubt the women with huge implants every receive unwanted attention else why did they get the bazookas in the first place?
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This intel was contributed by Paul
Paul
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May, 2012
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